


Ill With Want

by coloursflyaway



Category: The Hobbit RPF
Genre: "they finished filming" fluff, M/M, just fluff, to be more exact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 10:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coloursflyaway/pseuds/coloursflyaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s the last day and Aidan can’t believe it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ill With Want

**Author's Note:**

  * For [npw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/npw/gifts).



> For Jaclyn ♥

It’s the last day and Aidan can’t believe it.  
It’s the last day, the actual last day of filming, the last day he will walk out on the set with a too-heavy wig and too-hot clothes, a too-bright smile on his face directed at all these people he has grown too fond of.  
It’s the last day and Aidan wants to cry.

Somehow, he has managed to keep the thoughts at bay up until now, has pushed them away, but it’s impossible to do that now, since everything around him is crying, screaming at him that this is over now; he can see it in the other’s faces, their eyes and sad smiles, in the way Peter’s eyes don’t light up when Aidan nods his greetings at the other man. He’ll have to talk to him later, he knows that, telling him what honour it was, being allowed to be part of this, but he can’t do it now, or otherwise he’ll be in tears after two words.  
So instead Aidan waves at James who is nursing what is most likely his fifth cup of coffee, and he can see it in the other’s eyes too.

Somehow, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world, seeing how everyone is so sad, so reluctant to leave because it means that these movies, these months they have spent together mean as much to the other’s as they do to him, but even so Aidan can’t enjoy it, because it’s sad _and he doesn’t want it to end_.  
Maybe more than the others, most likely more than them because Aidan is sad about leaving New Zealand behind, leaving Wellington and the dwarves and this mad, fantastic, little world they have built together behind, but it’s not just that. It’s not just the friendships either, although they are important, more important even than Aidan would have imagined them to be.  
It’s Richard.  
It’s Richard’s smile and the way it makes his eyes brighten and with them, the rest of the room; it’s Richard’s fingers when they close around a mug of tea and hold it tightly because it’s just a bit too hot and he likes the hint of pain; it’s Richard’s voice, which is soft and rough and deep; it’s the way Richard sometimes looks at him and makes him feel like the most important person in the world.  
In the end, it’s always Richard and Aidan has known it for months now.

Which doesn’t make it any easier, because Aidan has tried about everything by now, and nothing helps; ignoring it doesn’t, trying to talk to friends about it, no matter if they’re here with him or back at home, doesn’t; trying to find someone else to focus his attention on doesn’t, because in the end, it’s Richard he thinks about again.  
The only thing he hasn’t tried is talking to Richard about it, but no matter how many people tell him to _please just go, for fuck’s sake, Aidan, what are you, twelve?_ he can’t. Because Richard won’t be mad, he won’t run or tell him to back off, he will just sit there and listen and let him down gently, and if there is something Aidan doesn’t want, it’s gentle, it’s pity and a promise that they will still stay friends, no matter what.  
And yet, it’s the last day and Aidan is desperate no matter what will happen anyway and he’s not sure what would be worse, trying and getting the answer he is expecting anyway, or staying silent and hugging Richard goodbye tomorrow like he’s not the last person Aidan thinks about before falling asleep, never knowing if there couldn’t have been a way to make it work.  
  
It's only when there is a hand placed on his shoulder, solid and warm and heavy, that Aidan notices he is staring blankly into the empty distance. He catches himself thinking that it should be Richard, it has to be Richard, but when he turns around, there is blonde hair and a wide smile and a set of eyes twinkling with knowledge and a plan hidden behind them and Aidan curses the day he decided that telling Dean about his stupid infatuation with their colleague was a good idea.  
“Good morning to you too”, Dean greets him and Aidan realises he’s been staring again, but the other thankfully doesn’t mind. “Just so you know, the person you want to be staring at is in his trailer, probably moping as much as you are”, he continues and Aidan isn’t even blushing anymore, because it’s Dean and he hasn’t expected anything else.  
“Thank you”, he replies, the words dripping with sarcasm as they pass his lips, “Just excuse me, I’ll be off to declare my undying love and devotion.”

Somehow, it’s freeing, seeing Dean speak so freely about it (because Aidan won’t call it a crush, can’t call it love) and from time to time, he catches himself wishing he could have fallen for the other instead, because it would be so much easier with Dean, because with Dean, everything is easy.

“Alright, then don’t let me keep you here any longer”, Dean replies with a grin, “But if you fuck in Richard’s trailer, let me know because I plan on filming that and selling the tapes on eBay.”  
Aidan shoves him and yet can’t help but return the smile, just when the one on Dean’s face softens, grows less teasing.  
“But in all seriousness, Aid, go and talk to him. I am sick about you whining about Richard and Richard obviously whining just as much about you in his head and I swear if I don’t see you at the premiere at least secretly holding hands I am going to bash that pretty, little head of yours in.”

And maybe, Dean is right, but that doesn’t mean that Aidan has to listen to him, and definitely doesn’t mean he will, so instead he shakes his head slightly, feeling the smile slip from his lips.  
“Dean, I…”  
He doesn’t know what he wants to say, but it doesn’t matter, because Dean’s eyes widen a fraction, his lips curling into a pleased smirk and Aidan knows what is happening before Richard can even speak.

“Dean, could I borrow Aidan for a moment or two?”, the older actor asks and Aidan doesn’t dare to turn around because it’s as if his heart just noticed that it’s supposed to beat faster, to be scared and tries to make up for the time it has missed, blood  pounding in Aidan’s ears.  
“He’s all yours”, Dean answers and winks and Aidan wants to punch him almost as much as he wants to turn around and fling himself in Richard’s arms, kiss him senseless.

Turn around he does, mostly because there is no other way than to do so, his eyes meeting Richard’s and the sadness isn’t the same as he has seen in Peter’s or James’, instead it’s closer to the one he has seen in his own that morning,  brushing the hair out of his eyes.  
“Um”, Richard starts and attempts a smile, “Can I talk to you for a second? Not…here, somewhere more private. If you don’t mind.”

Aidan nods before he knows what is happening, his heart racing so fast he is surprised he hasn’t passed out yet, and Richard looks both relieved and terrified.  
Maybe the other knows, Aidan’s mind quickly supplies and the thought is like a physical blow.  
He follows Richard nonetheless, recognising the route to the older man’s trailer after a few moments, because it’s as familiar as to Dean’s easy grins and infectious laughter and Martin’s snarky comments, and it hurts that he’ll lose this too.

It takes both too long and not long enough until Richard is closing the door behind them, creating as much privacy as it is possible around here, and somehow it seems important, just like the look on the other’s face seems important when Richard turns around again.

For a moment the other stay silent, as if he was searching for the right words and although Aidan can feel himself growing more and more anxious with every passing second, he waits. Because there is something in Richard’s eyes which he thinks he has seen in his own before as well and against all odds, against all common sense, he catches himself hoping.  
“I guess… I guess I just wanted to thank you”, Richard finally says after what feels like an eternity and it feels as if he is supposed to answer, but it’s impossible because Aidan has no idea what the other is trying to say.  
Richard gives him another few seconds, then, as no reply comes, just continues, his deep, lovely voice even laced with barely hidden nervousness. “I am sure it wasn’t easy, and I really thought that I was past the stage where I fell in love with my co-stars, but… I don’t know, it just happened. And I wanted to thank you for not freaking out about it.”

The smile Richard offers is sincere and nervous and still grateful and although Aidan doesn’t understand why, it's the first thing he notices. It’s a sweet smile, one which he might think of for the rest of his life, and Aidan realises what it is Richard was saying.

If asked, he would have assumed that his heart would stop as well as his breathing, that he would be dizzy and light-headed and overjoyed, that he would fling himself in Richard’s arms and finally, finally find out how if the other’s lips fit against his as perfectly as he likes imagining they would.  
But instead, none of that happens, Aidan’s feet fixed firmly on the floor and his head empty, hardly even able to form words, let alone declarations of love.  
“What?”, he asks instead and watches Richard’s forehead furrow in confusion for a moment before his eyes widen in realisation, in panic.

“Oh God, you didn’t know, did you?”, Richard asks and if he could, Aidan would kiss the words right off his lips, because they sound so worried, so helpless. “I thought… I thought I was being so obvious and yet you didn’t know… Oh, Aidan, I am so sorry.”  
Richard looks distraught, not even meeting his eyes and for a moment, Aidan doesn’t know what to do, because if the other is helpless, he is too. It’s only a moment, though, before his feet start working again, carrying him over to Richard in the matter or a second or two.

Aidan doesn’t kiss him, not yet, instead just wraps his arms around Richard’s neck and clings to him, feeling the other tense up and then relax again, even if he doesn’t return the hug. And Aidan understands it somehow, because this has to be just confusing for Richard as it was for him, as it still is, and so he just stays close, waits for the other’s brain to catch up.  
When it does, though, the reaction is not the one Aidan has hoped for, because instead of snaking his arms around his waist and pulling him close, Richard starts speaking, still all hesitantly, all confused.  
“What...what exactly are you doing?”, he asks, and Aidan chuckles against his neck, resists pressing his lips against the other’s pulse point because he doesn’t want their first kiss to be this ( _first kiss_ , his brain repeats and Aidan can feel the light-headedness he has predicted starting to set in).

“I think….”, he starts instead, and thinks for a moment, because he isn’t sure himself, “I think I am trying to declare my undying love and devotion for you.”  
The words are accompanied by a smile that Aidan hopes Richard can feel against his skin and carry a teasing note and the second they have left his mouth, Aidan starts feeling dizzy because he has said them out loud and Richard is not running away.  
In contrary, he stays still for a few more moments, then breathes out a soft, “… oh.”

 No matter what Richard has said before, Aidan can feel his heart speeding up because it might still all have been a mistake… until there are arms around his waist, not strong but tentative, not pulling him close, but instead just holding him, and Aidan lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  
Richard’s hands are travelling up his back, touching and exploring and making it hard to pull back until their gazes lock, Richard’s eyes all soft and confused and still sparkling with joy.  
Aidan takes a moment just to look (maybe also to give the older man a last chance to run, because this feels too much like a dream, too much as if he was going to wake up every second) and then leans in, slowly, because it's their first kiss and he doesn’t want to rush it, but draw it out so he can remember every second of it afterwards.

Richard must be leaning in as well, because their lips meet in the middle, first hardly more than a touch, a brush of skin against skin, until the other does pull him closer after all, with a large hand between Aidan’s shoulder blades and a soft sigh when he kisses back with the same, gentle intensity as Richard.  
And Aidan finds that their lips don’t slide together as perfectly as he has always imagined them to, but that doesn’t matter, because they’ll have time now, to practice and explore and find ou

**Author's Note:**

> In case you want to say hi, send me a prompt, or tell me something nice, you can find me on Tumblr here:  
> [X](http://www.coloursflyaway.tumblr.com)


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